Thursday, May 29, 2008
What do you think about divorce?
Usually my blog is the place where I like to share pictures of my family with...my family. All of you stretched across a few countries.But today, I'm asking a question...what do you think about divorce? I mean other than the fact that everyone knows it's not a good thing.
Please give me personal thoughts, bible verses, or anything else that you think about when it comes to what makes up your mind about the subject.
I am noticing more and more of my friends have been divorced and quite frankly, I'm shocked!!! I know that marriage is hard, but my goodness, I'm really shocked when I find out that, in talking to a friend, that they are married to a divorsee or that they were married for a few years when they were younger. I don't know whether to ask them about it or leave it. Am I making a big deal out of nothing or what?
Jennifer at 8:00 PM
10 Comments:
There may be circumstances where divorce is warranted. In most cases I think it shows lack of character. If you divorce you hurt yourself, your partner, and your kids. Some judge will tell you you can see your kids once a week? Come on....!
AGGRAVATION IS BETTER THEN LONELINESS.
From someone who has been married 48 years, Dad
Dad D.-thank you for your comment. I like to have insight from those who are experienced in marriage.
Experience? Count me in!
We are saturated with movies, TV shows where sex is normal after one date. There is absolutely no remorse. Divorce is the "in" thing. Kids look up to parents, teachers and leaders. If divorce is the norm, no wonder kids accept the life style.
The lives of my parents certainly was no picnic, 10 kids and poverty. But they had good morals, church was an important part of our lives and with that came the teachings of the Bible.
Just because divorce and sex outside marriage is being practiced does NOT make it right.
Part of the problem is also commitment, when you don't like a job, leave it. Don't like a friend, don't see him/her any more. Don't like a dress, throw it out, hahaha. I thought I put that in!!!!!
We are committed to so many situations in life. Commitment to family is also important. The apostle Paul mentions in Romans 12:18 "Live in peace in as much as it is in your power. Eph 4:26, do not sin and do not let the sun go down upon your wrath."
So marriage is a commitment, it is to have and to hold till dead do us part. I most situations problems can be worked out.
Mom D
Hello Jen,
I think you are NOT making a big thing out of nothing, its sure a heavy question, and important in life for everyone....
(I am not as good as your parents-inlaw- with bible versions, but even though I am a religious person too) Though I believe that marriage/divorce is depending from a lot:
How you are raised by your parents, do you have a religion or not, do you have together children or not,in wich country (culture) are you born, is the partner whom you married with, nice/respectfull to you or not/never?.
In some countries (males)man have more wifes than one (thats their culture) so they have not to promisse to be faithfull to 1 woman/person...For them is easier to marry and hold on to that...
In ALL religions is NOT done to divorce... that makes it very hard even to think of a divorce, because you are married 'for the eyes of God'.
When you have together children its very painfull for them ( and parents too!)when parents divorce, so parents do not even like to think of it for that reason... But for children is not good either when their parents hate each other and always fight? That hurts so much.
What can one do...
...when the partner is addicted to alcohol or something else, and beating his wife AND children always? Thats very difficult and NOT good though...Or what do one do when her husband is unfaithfull to his wife, is never coming home always lying to her etc?
I think its very easy to judge about divorce, but difficult when a person is in a situation that the partner is terrible in behaving...so bad that everyone is unhappy , also the kids...
I believe you/I are married untill death will us divorce, but there are exceptions (as above)
I also believe that before someone ever would think of a divorce, that they have to try ALL they can to stay together..like therapy etc.
I was once with a terrible person and we divorced because of that, hewas not respecting me. Now I am happy and 21 years we are together, This is a great adorable man, we do have sometimes a light daily fight , we have respect for each other, but in that case its bear-able and normal..
I hope that my answer is giving some clearness Of how I think?
Greetings and my love JoAnn
Your cousin in Holland
I can definitely sympathize with you Jennifer. On my side of the family we are going through some poopy stuff too. I find it extremely difficult to be loving and yet not accepting the "other woman". So we are staying away. Our actions have been strongly taken due to seeking Godly counsel and multiples of advice from those we trust and admire to tell us the truth. Even though the stand we are taking is excruciating, we know that it is the most loving thing that we can do. What my brother is doing is cohabiting with another woman while he is still legal married. No legal action has been taken either for a separation or a divorce. She does not want a divorce and he does not want to live with her but he does not want to take any legal action either. He would like her to do it. (victim mentality)
Ron and I have both discussed it that once a divorce has taken place, life must move on. It is done. Like any other sin. It is done and must be forgiven. But while the "drug of choice" is happening, an intervention must happen. Ron took my brother out to shoot some pool and have some conversation. He let him know what we believe and that why we are doing it. We told him that we love him but we won't be able to participate in what he is doing.
I had an amazing conversation with Dad (Ted) about this very subject yesterday and we agreed that love is the answer. We are called to love one another. I think the loving thing to do is to inform them lovingly of what is right in the eyes of God and to help them, if possible, to get the help they need. But if they refuse, we are free to let them know that our relationship with them is at stake then and we cannot put up with that.
I would not be able to abandon anyone that has made that terrible mistake of deciding to divorce. Yes, it's a mistake. A mistake that God can and does redeem.
People that divorce need Jesus too. How will they see Jesus unless we love them.
Divorce cannot be taken lightly and until they are divorced the subject should be brought up frequently. We love them too much to let them get carried to hell in a handbag. Satan has them in his grips and we are trying to pull them out. That takes work, and love, but not enabling.
Sorry, I'm rambling. Maybe none of this makes any sense . . . or maybe some of it does.
Unless there's adultary or abuse.....I say you humble your heart and fight for love. The bible is pretty clear.
Jason P
God HATES divorce. If Marriage is to be a picture of our eternal relationship with Him...it's the number one thing that breaks His heart. Imagine a divorce between God and His Bride...sounds unthinkable. I don't think we have an understanding about covenant in our culture. We base everything on if we are happy or not...or if we have 'fallen out of love'. I have a neighbor who had an arranged marriage. She was NOT in love when she married....it came later. Love was not a prerequisite to her covenant. And likewise, Divorce is NOT an option. She had to make it work...fight and dig to find love with a perfect stranger. And guess what....she has! She adores him! He adores her! Covenant. It's a powerful thing.
However...I don't think divorce is the primary sin. Adultery is. If you divorce because you are constantly fighting, and you lack the maturity or faith to do whatever to make it work, then alright....whatever...cut it loose. HOWEVER...then you must be willing to be single. Unless there has been adultery (or abuse) you are in covenant. Until covenant is broken, you're married. Divorce does not break covenant. Sin breaks covenant.
I think I have more grace for unbelievers who divorce...because they don't have an understanding about the Bride, the Covenant and God's heart towards us and our marriages. But Christians? Ouch....that is just so very heartbreaking.
So much luke-warmness in the church...I'm sure God's heart is broken over how much compromise we allow in. How much sin is now stamped "socially acceptable?"
How sad that we learn more about covenant from our Muslim neighbors than Christians.
Thank you for all your comments. I find there is such vagueness from some Christians because it has become so accepted. Paul said to me that he wonders if homosexuality will be the way divorce is in 20 years. Then will people be saying the same thing. Right now, it's easy to say it's sin, but when it's all around, then what do you say.
I think Paul would be right. Seeing two females holding hands in the shopping center just this last week shows the future right then and there.
God hates divorce because it is the total opposite of what he sees marriage to be (a representation of Christ and the Church). We all know that. Divorce is not the plan he wanted for us, but then again, the sin of Adam and Eve wasn't either.
But I think that once divorce (sin) is done, (especially for the one that did not want it at all) love and friendship and help still need to come from those that love God and wish to be HIS hands and feet. Do you think God wants us to banish them from our lives? What does it mean then to love one another? Isn't love a verb, an action. If we banish them, we stop love.
Sorry, that's just how I see it.
I agree with Lynne.
- Heather
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